A little whisper in the dark

A journery begins with a single step.

I finally pulled my thumb out of my arse, got around to set everything moving. Putting my portfolio together, sending out email.

Might not be much, but maybe my mom would say, "Even a midget can climb a flight of stairs, it takes him longer, but he'll still get there."

posted by Chung Leong @ 9:22 PM 0 comments

No title today. Can't think of one yet. Maybe when I'm done with the entry, I'll think of a nice one. Got to keep the fans interested, you know.

I promised her I'd get to bed, and its 5am, I can't. I tried but too many things swirling through my mind.

In a way I'm a prisoner of time. The things I hope to get, I will have to wait - not wait to get it, but wait to see IF I even get it or not. I'd do so much to just cut all that away, just quit hoping along those lines. Some milestones: November-December '03, March-April '04, and who knows what else.

I've never been a religious person before, and I'll probably never be one. But I'm not an atheist either. And so I pray that things will go my way no matter how bleak they might be. I'll cherish every chance I get, grasp at every ray of hope. I pray I have the determination and tenacity, plus a hefty dose of luck.

Someone (can't remember) said, "Luck is the pseudonym God takes on when He doesn't want to be responsible for the outcome".

Just one chance. I'll prove myself.

posted by Chung Leong @ 6:55 AM 0 comments

Losing something

Every now and then we might lose something by accident. A treasured possession, a relative, a favourite shirt, whatever. The suddeness and unpredictability of it happening means that we often do not see it coming until it has happened.

I used to own a book which I brought everywhere with me; one day I left it behind in the school assembly square after dismissal, and I never found it. I also could not buy the same book again. A small loss, but nonetheless sudden and irreplaceable.

What of loss that are impending? Is it not like a death-row prisoner waiting for the day he sees the gallows for the first and final time? Is it not like a patient stricken with an incurable disease, knowing he has but months to live?

I wish I didn't have to know. I wish I did not have to lose.

I wish I could be strong.

posted by Chung Leong @ 7:03 AM 0 comments

On the bus

If I got on a double decker bus, unless the journey was shot, I'd always sit on the upper level; and if the bus was empty, sometimes I'd sit in the back and sometimes I'd sit in front.

Never in the middle, no half measures for me. Either I want to see where I'm going (perhaps point the way - obviously not possible on a bus!) or I'll totally kick back and enjoy the ride. Symbolic, for wherever I sit doesn't really matter, but there it is.

Right now, I want to be at the back taking a ride, but I know I have to be up front looking at where I'm going.

posted by Chung Leong @ 4:04 AM 0 comments

Angels out there?

I recently had a discussion about how help comes from unexpected quarters:

Back when I just completed my National Service, I'd gotten myself prepared to get back to studying. Having spent a couple of years in Ngee Ann prior to that, I sought a different environment. Through a series of screwups, I was out of luck - bummed out of a spot in Singapore Polytechnic, and nowhere to else to go.

No reason why, that I could recall, but my legs brought me back to Ngee Ann. It was a quiet day at Student Affairs office, one sole woman was manning the counters. Related my predicament, and she handed me an application form to fill up, despite me being severely late for application (the rest of the staff were registering students already accepted a few weeks prior!).

I got my place a week before school started, and much later I realized the woman who took my application was pretty much the department head.......talk about dumb....luck? I guess. Any other staffer would have told me to come back next year.

Someone gave me a chance, and I took it. I guess I've seized the day, the opportunity. I graduated from that institution this year with decent results; but I'll need more of the luck, wherever it came from.

What's the number to dial for an angel?

posted by Chung Leong @ 6:13 AM 0 comments

Where are the jobs?

Its been just over three months since I stopped working at ACLA. Two months of deciding to take a break off things, and one month of looking. And looking.

And the weeks seem to pass for fast. It seemed like yesterday was Monday when I got up to crack the Classifieds section, and now its Friday. The slump continues, and the bank account gets depleted slowly.

I guess I'm lucky to slow the depletion for some bits of cash thankfully fell my way this week so remarkably little effort I took to get it. Sale of some stuff, and odd jobs means that I've got a bit breathing room. Is cash important? Well it is, but I guess being employed is more important at this point of time.

As free as freelancing used to sound, the security of a stable job is gaining appeal.

posted by Chung Leong @ 2:24 PM 0 comments