A little whisper in the dark

Seriously, did it take three years?

No, really.

I'd contacted her way back in '04, seeking closure. I'd left Singapore, started a new life, and felt that I'd finally banished the demons from my soul. After that, I had another relationship (a fine young lady ANY guy would be proud to be with), and yet the shadow lingers.

But it was on this night, that I looked back at our photos, looked back at her image in my mind, that I wondered, why did I get so hung up over her?

She wasn't the prettiest, nor the friendliest. In fact, she was downright intimidating to most people, yet it was this sort of forbidden aura that intruiged me.

After our breakup, the next time I'd seen her was during the 2006 Singapore Garden Festival. She was with another friend of ours. It was the first time I'd seen her for over two years, yet she looked the same as when she'd left, back in 2003. But I didn't approach her. In fact, I'd hoped she didn't see me. I carried on fiddling with my camera, carried on doing the task that my job required of me.

I still didn't want to drag those skeletons out of the closet. But then, a while ago, I'd looked at those photos again, what was it all for? I'd skipped town during my darkest period to get away from all that I had grown to associate with her, and it was tough coping at that point of time, remembering the places I'd been with her, each time I was there without her.

I'd met a few nice girls along the way, which I'd spurned, because I wasn't ready for the next one yet (you know who you are, and maybe if you've kept on reading my blog through the years, maybe now you know why).

Each relationship means so much to me, because each time it ends, a part of me dies along with it. It was genuine, it was true, it was careless at times, it made its mistakes as befits a human being, but it was love. And each time I'd had to salvage what I could and move on.

Maybe we all have to learn from lessons like this. She left me pretty much wrecked, and I learned how to move on from that.

It must've been love, but its over now.

posted by Chung Leong @ 12:44 AM