A little whisper in the dark

Writing, not driving, under influence

I haven't drunk hard in a long while. Friends would know of my collection of empty Johnnie Walker bottles (yes, a good dozen). But I don't think I'm alcoholic. I don't feel addicted and needing a good hit of alcohol every now and then - but I'm fully aware of what the stuff can do. Other more important stuff have come up this month, for sure, it is winter - you really have to feel cold in order to enjoy the warmth that a stiff drink provides. But I digress. I've got a lot of work to clear, and not a lot of time to clear it with. That's not the way I work, though, my motivation comes from deadlines, and as the deadlines loom as the end of the semester nears, so does my urgency. The culmination of a year's worth of work.

Its been a tough year, in terms of blood and sweat and tears. At certain points of I wondered why I was paying good money on the honours year. I was fully aware I was doing what some would deem a labourer's job, putting up with the physical strain, the time, the flies hounding me, and the blisters, and I was paying for the privilege. Feck, back home, you'd pay a foreign labourer the equivalent of $20 to work all day at the same rate. But here I am, the labour's nearly over, the slog is at its zenith. Essentially I am left to assemble a log of my toils, to make scientific sense of my sweat. I hope it was worth it. If nothing else, I sweated more than most postgrads, I suppose, even if I didn't put in the same amount of mindless hours hunched over a microscope.

But the examiners won't see all that. It all comes down to the thesis I am currently in the process of writing. And when I write I tend to zone out, get into that frame of mind. Everything has to be perfect, and conducive to my writing. If I have come across as snappish in MSN, curt in person, rude in body language, I sincerely offer my apologies. I can't say more than that I'm a poor multitasker in that aspect that I cannot hide my annoyance at being disturbed. Looking back, it tears me up that I hurt relationships with people that I care about, but I need to put it all into perspective.

I am on the final lap, and I cannot let my parents down. I have to finish, and finish as well as I can.

posted by Chung Leong @ 1:09 AM